


Ghostfacers (3.13)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [58]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Dean Swears, Episode: s03e13 Ghostfacers, F/M, Sam Swears, Screenplay/Script Format, The Ghostfacers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7805635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whilst investigatin tha hustled Morton Mansion, Sam n' Dean run tha fuck into a cold-ass lil couple familiar faces n' become inadvertent participants up in a freshly smoked up realitizzle show named Ghostfacers fo' realz. As events turn deadly n' tha crew is trapped up in tha house, tha investigation becomes a funky-ass battle ta survive until morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

SUPERNATURAL Title Card, fucked up by interference, only ta switch to:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

HARRY SPANGLER n' ED ZEDDMORE chillin up in easy as fuck chairs up in front of a gangbangin' fireplace, dressed up in formal wear n' holdin brandy glasses.

 **HARRY  
** Hello. I be Harry Spangler

 **ED  
** And I be Ed Zeddmore. Now if you have received dis tape, you must be some sort of bigwig network executive. Well, todizzle is yo' dirty day, mister.

 **HARRY  
** Because tha unsolicited pilot yo ass be bout ta peep is tha bold freshly smoked up future of "realitizzle TV."

 **ED  
** Mmmm. We know you've had it hard durin tha cripplin writerz strike.

 **HARRY  
** Lazy fat cats.

 **ED  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck needz writas when you've gots muthafuckas like us, biatch?

HARRY gestures n' reaches for... a cold-ass lil skanky dimmer switch.

 **ED  
** Our crew faced wack horrors ta brang you tha footage dat will chizzle yo' ghetto forever n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So strap up in fo' tha scariest minute up in tha history of televizzle.

 **HARRY  
** In tha history of yo' game...

 **ED  
** Strap up in for...

 **HARRY AND ED (TOGETHER)  
** Ghostfacers!

GHOSTFACERS theme cold lil' woo wop n' openin montage, showin tha charactas n' names: ED, HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE, CORBETT, SAM, n' DEAN

 **MUSIC  
** Ghost...Ghostfacers. We grill tha pimps when tha others will not. We Ghost...Ghostfacers. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay up in tha kitchen when tha kitchen gets hot. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We grill tha nightmare, we grill tha dread. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We grill tha faces, we grill tha dead!" (screams) When you trip n' fall tha fuck into tha supernatural, we're whoz ass you gonna call. We grill dem all! Ghost...Ghostfacers. We grill tha faces, we grill tha dead! We Ghost...Ghostfacers!


	2. ACT ONE

EXT. CAR IN SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Harry n' Ed exit a AMC Gremlin wit Wisconsin license plate, each carryin a metal briefcase wit a "Ghostfacers" sticker. WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC playing.

 **ED (V.O.)  
** Yo ass know, it can git kind of hard balancin our daytime games wit our nighttime missions.

 **HARRY (V.O.)  
** Yeah yo, but Ed n' I pretty much call tha shots all up in tha Kinkoz where we work, so we can probably pretty much git off by six every last muthafuckin night?

 **ED  
** Yeah, six o'clock. Well shiiiit, it used ta be just, you know, you n' I takin on tha cases -- just Harry n' mah dirty ass.

 **HARRY  
** Two lone wolves.

 **ED  
** And two lone wolves need, uh...other wolves.

_PHASE 1: THE HOMEWORK_

INT. GHOSTFACERS "OFFICE" - DAY

 **ED  
** Morning, 'facers.

 **HARRY  
** Dope morning, Ghostfacers.

 **SPRUCE (O.S.)  
** It aint nuthin but seven p.m., dude.

 **HARRY  
** It aint nuthin but mornin ta a Ghostfacer n' shit. Corbett, what tha fuck do we got, dawg?

 **CORBETT  
** Oh, I be just puttin up a shitload of tha --

 **ED  
** Yeah, dis has gots ta go up here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Thatz gots ta go here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. gots ta peep tha whole field. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Markers, eraser -- phat thang.

 **CORBETT  
** I first saw Ed puttin up flyers down all up in tha -- tha outlet mall up in Scogan, so I-I read one, n' I thought ta mah dirty ass, "huh. Where do pimps come from?" And now here I am.

 **HARRY  
** Ed, yo' sisterz abusin staff.

 **ED  
** Thatz adopted sister, fuck you straight-up much.

 **MAGGIE  
** Ed has been obsessed wit tha supernatural since we was kids, you know, n' then he meets Harry at computa camp...and ludd at first geek.

 **SPRUCE  
** Spruce here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. What up, playaaa?

EXT. BALL CART ON DRIVING RANGE - DAY

 **SPRUCE  
** I be 15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee. My fuckin grandfather be a mohel, mah pimped out-grandfather was a tallis maker, n' mah pimped out-great-grandfather was a thugged-out degenerate gambla n' had a peyote addiction.

INT. GHOSTFACERS OFFICE - DAY

 **ED  
** Okay, people. Letz cut tha chatta n' git on a mission. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Okay, biatch? Morton house...

CUT TO EXT. FOOTAGE OF MORTON HOUSE

INT. OFFICE

 **ED  
**...one of our big-ass fish fo' realz. All right, we all know tha legend yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Every four years, supposedly, dis becomes da most thugged-out hustled place up in America.

EXT. FOOTAGE OF MORTON HOUSE

INT. OFFICE

 **HARRY  
** Da leap year pimp, some call dat shit. Da pimp returns at midnight just as February 29th begins.

 **MAGGIE  
** And no one has eva stayed tha night, right?

 **HARRY  
** Yeah, well, every last muthafuckin testimony dat our phat asses dug up, every last muthafuckin eyewitnizz has cut n' run well before midnight.

 **ED  
** Well, thatz all bout ta chizzle, baby.

 **HARRY  
** Absolutely true, Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Absolutely true.

 **ED  
** Mmm. Thatz good.

 **CORBETT  
** It aint nuthin but French vanilla, 'cause tha other day, you holla'd how tha fuck much you was horny bout it, so...

 **ED  
** Nuff props, biatch.

 **CORBETT  
** Yo ass is welcome.

EXT. DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR - DAY

 **HARRY  
** I wanna bust a nut on Corbett. I do. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shows up early, do his thang, lot of phat hustle up --

Corbett knocks on window n' waves.

Yo ass KNOW he gots tha hots fo' Ed, n' dat could spell shiznit fo' tha whole crew.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

CORBETT  
Edz kind of tha mo' rugged, wit dat straight-up golden...beautiful sort of beard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Definitely sick. Uh, n' Harryz sick.

 **ED  
** 29th is dis Friday, facers. Us thugs want dis mission, we gots ta move on it now, or guess what tha fuck -- Dat punk gone fo' another four years.

Sudden bangin noise; Edz whiteboard crashes ta tha ground, caused by tha garage door dat shiznit was attached ta openin up.

 **ED  
** Dad hommie! Come on!

 **HARRY  
** Just cut tha cameras. Us dudes don't need dis shit. Us dudes don't need dis part. Us dudes don't --

_PHASE Pt II: INFILTRATION_

EXT. OUTSIDE CHAINLINK FENCE - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **ED  
** Stay low. Big up formation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Okay, as suspected. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. All dem playas have tried ta break tha fuck into tha Morton house. Da local authoritizzles have just gotten fed up.

 **HARRY  
** Looks like tha cops have gots dis place pretty well fenced off.

 **MAGGIE  
** Wait. Didn't you muthafuckas get, like, a permit or something?

 **HARRY  
** A permit, biatch? Thatz a phat scam fo' next time.

 **ED  
** Yeah.

 **SPRUCE (O.S.)  
** Car!

 **HARRY  
** Car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. shh, shh! Flashlights off.

 **MAGGIE  
** Keep straight-up still.

Our thugged-out asses hear tha bangin rumble of a cold-ass lil hoopty engine approaching, along wit a radio playin "We a Gangsta Band." It aint nuthin but tha IMPALA, driven by DEAN, slowin ta a cold-ass lil crawl, wit SAM up in tha passenger seat shinin a gangbangin' flashlight towardz tha Morton Doggy Den before they drive away.

 **SPRUCE  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy. Not cops -- just hicks.

 **HARRY  
** Edz gots dat shit.

Ed opens gate wit wire cutters.

 **UNKNOWN**  
Guys, letz go! Letz go! Letz go!  
Go! go!

INT. FOYER - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **ED  
** Hear that, people, biatch? Letz keep it on tha fuckin' down-low.

 **HARRY  
** Therez tha kitchen sink.

 **ED  
** Copy dis shit. Copy that.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **ED  
** All right, everybody. Ghostfacers, letz line up. All Y'all. We bout ta set up camp right here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. This is command centa one.

 **HARRY  
** We gonna call dis tha Eaglez Nest.

Fastforward footage of Ghostfacers settin up shit.

 **CORBETT  
** Hallway cam one up n' hustlin.

 **ED  
** Lookin good, Corbett.

 **CORBETT  
** Copy that, Ed.

 **ED**  
Uh...uh, you welcome.  
All right, Spruce, how tha fuck is our phat asses bustin there, dawg?

 **SPRUCE  
** Checkin basement camera two, mein fuhrer.

 **ED  
** Maggie, I gots no visual on you, Maggie.

 **MAGGIE  
** This is Maggie. Do you copy, biatch?

 **ED  
** There yo ass is yo. Wuz crackalackin' yo. Harry, is you kickin it, biatch?

 **HARRY  
** Upstairs, Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Camera one.

 **ED  
** Lookin good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! I can smell syndication. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. All right, fellas. Letz regroup all up in tha Eaglez Nest.

Morton Doggy Den 10:40PM Base Camp

 **HARRY  
** All right, Spangla n' shit. Battery check, battery check. Check. Okay.

 **SPRUCE  
** Check. Check. Yo, Corbett, dude.

 **HARRY  
** Lookin' good, Corbett.

 **SPRUCE  
** Yo ass is Robocop.

 **CORBETT  
** R-robocop, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin I -- you be thinkin I be lookin like Robocop?

 **ED  
** All Y'all, brang it in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Brin it in.

We've all been here before. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Standard strutt-all up in cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Crew one, westside. Crew two, eastside. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spin tha tires, light tha fires. Ghostfacers on three. 1, 2, 3...

 **ALL  
** Ghostfacers!

_PHASE Pt III: FACE TIME_

MORTON HOUSE 10:51 PM 1ST FLOOR: TEAM 1 - ED & CORBETT

 **ED  
** Hello! I be bustin lyrics ta tha restless spiritz of tha Morton house!

 **CORBETT  
** Okay.

 **ED  
** Hello! Hoes call me Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Careful naaahhmean, biatch? Watch mah back.

 **CORBETT  
** Okay. Okay.

 **ED  
** Whatz yo' name, biatch? (Looks at EMF meter) .3, .29.

 **CORBETT  
** Is there a entitizzle or entitizzles here wit our asses now, biatch? Yo ass betta give our asses a sign of yo' presence?

 **ED  
** Yo ass gots ta breathe, dawg.

 **CORBETT  
** I can't breathe.

 **ED  
** Corbett, night vision.

 **CORBETT  
** Okay. Okay. Yeah.

 **ED  
** Calm down, dawg. Breathe, all right, biatch? Calm tha whirlwindz of yo' mind.

2ND FLOOR: TEAM 2 - HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE

 **HARRY  
** Us dudes bustin a funky-ass basic EMF, EVP, temp-flux sweep. Looks like we've gots all of our ducks up in a row here.

Camera interference, EMF noise.

 **HARRY  
** What?

 **SPRUCE  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. It aint nuthin but weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but gone.

 **HARRY  
** All right. Git all dis bullshit. Git this.

Harry tries unsuccessfully ta kick up in tha door.

 **SPRUCE  
** Turn tha knob.

 **HARRY  
** All right...thatz a phat idea.

Opens door.

Jerky camera movement as Harry runs away yelling.

 **HARRY**  
Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god!  
Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god!  
Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god!

 **SPRUCE  
** It aint nuthin but just a rat, dude.

EXT. DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR - DAY

 **HARRY  
** I don't straight-up gots nuff props fo'rats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. They're gross. Rats is like the... ratz of tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **HARRY  
** What -- was dat a apparition, biatch? Was dat a spectral -- was dat a .4, biatch? What do we got, 'cause tha EMP was just off tha --

Spruce throws a thugged-out dead rat at Harry.

 **HARRY  
** Oh, god hommie! Oh, dat is so not funky, Spruce!

INT. 1ST FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **CORBETT  
** Oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Okay, dat shiznit was just... I be thinkin dat shiznit was just dis branch... Okay...in tha window.

 **ED  
** This is spooky, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This place...

 **CORBETT  
** Okay. Oh, no!

Corbett n' Ed is confronted by two figures approachin wit flashlights.

 **DEAN  
** Freeze biaaatch! five-o fools muthafucka! don't move!

 **SAM  
** All right fo' realz. All right fo' realz. All right. Take it easy as fuck , take it easy as fuck .

 **DEAN  
** Letz peep some identification.

 **SAM  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Letz peep some i.d.

 **CORBETT  
** What -- is we under -- under arrest?

 **ED  
** We is unarmed.

 **CORBETT  
** Oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Oh, god.

 **DEAN  
** Want ta explain dat weirdo tracksuit, Mista Muthafuckin, uh, Corbett?

 **ED  
** I know you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, shizzle you do. Give me some identification.

 **ED  
** Yeah, ho-- whoa, hold on a second. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I know tha both of y'all muthafuckas. Yeah.

 **CORBETT  
** What, biatch?

 **ED  
** Yeah, huh.

 **SAM  
** Holy [Bleep]!

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Uh, Westside Texas... the... tha tulpa our crazy asses had ta take out. Those two goofballs dat almost gots our asses capped... Da hellhoundz or something?

 **DEAN  
** [Bleep] mah dirty ass.

 **ED  
** Yeah, our asses aint hellhoundz no mo', aiiight, biatch? It didn't test dat well.

 **CORBETT  
** Ed, what tha fuck be happenin?

 **ED  
** They're not cops, dawg -- no, not at all.

 **DEAN  
** Ed, Ed, you had a partner, too, didn't you -- A different muthafucka?

 **ED  
** Oh, yeah, yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Is he round here somewhere?

 **ED  
** Dat punk hustlin around, chasin pimps.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, well, listen, you n' Rambo need ta git yo' hoes n' git outta here.

 **ED  
** All right. Listen here, chisel chest, aiiight, biatch? Us thugs was here first. We've already set up base camp. We beat you, biatch.

 **DEAN (to Sam)  
** They was here first.

 **ED  
** Mm hmm.

Dean grabs Ed.

 **ED  
** Oh, god.

 **DEAN  
** Ed...

 **ED  
** Yeah, biatch?

 **DEAN  
**...wherez yo' partner?

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **HARRY  
** 10.6. 10.7, muthafuckas. Da EMF is straight-up spikin here.

 **MAGGIE  
** Temperaturez down, like, 11 degrees.

 **HARRY  
** All right, all right, keep yo' eyes peeled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This could be dat shit. Maggie, can I git a readin up in here, please?

Camera interference.

 **SPRUCE  
** Somethang keeps messin wit tha chip. I don't give a fuck what tha fuck be happenin here.

Mo' interference, then suddenly a playa up in 50s-style suit n' basebizzle cap appears.

 **SPRUCE  
** Guys. Guys. Guys.

 **APPARITION OF MAN IN HAT  
** Look dawg, I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. Thatz dat shit. I be spittin some lyrics ta you, thatz all tha scrilla I --

Gunshots rang out, apparizzle of playa falls n' disappears.

**_GHOSTFACERS_ **


	3. ACT TWO

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **DEAN  
** What is you bustin up in tha Morton House, Ed - on leap year -- what tha fuck is you thinking?

 **ED  
** Our thugged-out asses here ta spend tha night, aiiight, biatch? It aint nuthin but fo' our TV show.

 **SAM  
** What, biatch? Great. Perfect.

 **CORBETT  
** Yeah, no muthafuckaz eva dropped tha night before.

 **DEAN  
** Uh, actually, yeah, they have.

 **ED  
** Uh, we've never heard of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, you know why, biatch? 'Cause tha ones dat have aint lived ta rap bout dat shiznit son!

 **ED  
** Oh, come on, I don't believe you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** Look -- missing-persons reports goin back almost a half century. Jizzy Graham stayed on a thugged-out dare -- gone. Julie Wilkerson -- gone. There is tons mo' n' mo' n' mo' fo' realz. All of dem came ta just stay tha night through, always on a leap year. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da only body they eva found was tha last baller, Freeman Daggett.

 **ED  
** These look legit.

 **SAM  
** They is legit. Look, Ed, we ain't gots much time here, dawg. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Startin at midnight, yo' playaz is goin ta take a thugged-out dirt nap.

HARRY, MAGGIE, n' SPRUCE run down tha stairs n' tha fuck into tha livin room.

 **HARRY  
** Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god hommie! Guys muthafucka! Guys muthafucka! Oh, mah god hommie! Oh, mah god hommie! We gots one biaaatch! Corbett son! Corbett, we saw one biaaatch! We saw one!

 **ED  
** Git outta here!

 **HARRY  
** Dat shiznit was a gangbangin' full apparition! Dat shiznit was like a cold-ass lil class four. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat shiznit was a spectral illumination! It...

 **MAGGIE  
** Dat shiznit was sick!

 **HARRY (Noticin Sam n' Dean)  
** Yo, aren't dem tha [Bleep] from Texas?

 **ED  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **DEAN  
** All right, letz have dis reunion across tha street, muthafuckas.

 **HARRY  
** Crap. What is you muthafuckas bustin here, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** Come on, come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We bout ta git you ice cream -- our treat. What do you say, biatch? Letz go.

 **HARRY  
** Yeah, I say no.

 **MAGGIE  
** Look at all dis bullshit. Look, look. Ed, Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! No. No. Look at all dis bullshit. Okay, honest-to-god proof, all right?

MAGGIE shows tha crew they footage on tha laptop.

 **ED  
** Is you kiddin me son?

 **HARRY  
** Yeah. no, not kidding.

 **SPRUCE  
** What kind of readin did we get?

 **HARRY  
** Uh, dat shiznit was a 10.9.

 **ED  
** 10.9?

 **HARRY  
** Yeah, dat shiznit was 10.9. Dat shiznit was almost 11. I came out, n' I was like, "what be happenin?" And I was like -- wait, peep all dis bullshit. Oh! Dude gots blasted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Dat shiznit was crazy.

SAM n' DEAN strutt away from tha crew n' rap amongst theyselves. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SPRUCE bigs up them, still recordin dem on his camera.

 **SAM  
** Think we was off on this, biatch? I mean, dat was just a thugged-out dirtnap echo.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but whatz it bustin here, biatch? Did anybody git blasted here?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, not dat I could find.

 **SPRUCE  
** Whatz a thugged-out dirtnap echo?

 **SAM  
** Look, we gots a problem here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. That pimp ain't dat shit.

 **HARRY  
** Yeah, thatz real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Like, dat happened.

 **SPRUCE  
** Whatz a thugged-out dirtnap echo?

 **DEAN  
** Echoes is trapped up in a loop, aiiight, biatch? They keep replayin how tha fuck they took a dirt nap over n' over n' over again, probably up in tha place where they was ganked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It aint nuthin but bout as fucked up as a gangbangin' freaky porno.

 **SAM  
** So maybe tha echoz not dangerous yo, but maybe suttin' else is.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass is right fo' realz. All right, we need ta git outta here, muthafuckas. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Letz go. Letz go. Letz go. Pack it up.

 **SAM  
** Guys, time is hustlin out!

 **DEAN  
** We moving!

 **MAGGIE  
** What bout all of our shit, biatch? What is we gonna...

 **DEAN  
** Lotz of fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Letz go.

 **HARRY  
** We gots mo' material. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. We gots all kindz of stuff. We bout ta make you muthafuckas recurrin hommie stars.

 **ED  
** Wait son! Wait!! Wherez Corbett?

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **CORBETT  
** I wish ta rap wit tha restless spirits here.

Camera interference.

 **CORBETT  
** Uh, lights out, biatch? Oh, I be thinkin I gots night vision here.

CORBETT switches ta night vision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As he points tha camera ta his dirty ass, we peep a tall pimply figure step tha fuck up suddenly behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **CORBETT  
** Thatz better.

INT. LIVING ROOM MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **ED  
** No playa left behind.

An anguished scream is heard up in tha distance.

 **ED  
** That was Corbett.

 **HARRY  
** That was Corbett son! Corbett!

 **MAGGIE  
** Corbett son! itz all gravy!

ED, HARRY, n' MAGGIE run upstairs while SAM n' DEAN protest.

 **DEAN  
** We bout ta git him! Go back!

 **SAM  
** Guys muthafucka! [Bleep]!

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **CORBETT  
** Let me go!! Guys!!!

 **ED  
** Corbett, you need ta come back, Corbett.

 **CORBETT (Screaming)  
** No!!!!

 **DEAN  
** Yo dawwwwg! Yo dawwwwg! Yo dawwwwg! Come on.

CORBETTz screams continue, fadin away.

MORTON HOUSE 11:59 PM MORTON HOUSE 12:00 AM

 **SAM  
** Corbett's... Dat punk not here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Letz go. Letz go.

 **HARRY  
** No. No. No. But thatz Corbett. Fuck dat shit, dat was Corbett. Didn't you hear that?

 **DEAN  
** Go, go, go, come on.

 **SAM  
** Guys. Guys. Guys. Dat punk dat way.

 **SAM  
** Here we go yo. Here we go. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

 **ED  
** Corbett?

 **SAM  
** Yo, hey, hey. Watch his muthafuckin ass. Watch his muthafuckin ass.

DEAN thumps HARRY wit his wild lil' flashlight.

 **DEAN  
** Go. Go. Move. Move. Turn it off!

Static.

INT. LIVING ROOM MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

MORTON HOUSE 12:04 AM FEBRUARY 29TH

 **ED  
** Oh, god, whatz happened, biatch? Oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat punk gone yo. Dude just disappeared.

 **HARRY  
** Okay, letz just go all up in all tha angles. Letz go all up in all tha cameras our crazy asses have.

 **SAM  
** Well, itz 12:04, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass good, biatch? Yo ass happy?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I be horny.

 **SAM  
** "Letz go hunt tha Morton house," you holla'd, "itz our Grand Canyon."

 **DEAN  
** Sam, I don't wanna hear this.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass gots two months left, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Instead, we gonna take a thugged-out dirtnap tonight.

SAM picks up a cold-ass lil chair n' smashes it against tha sealed front door.

 **SPRUCE  
** Whoa! what tha fuck tha hell is goin on muthafuckas?

 **SAM  
** I be bout ta rap what tha fuck be happenin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Every door, every last muthafuckin window, I be guessin every last muthafuckin exit outta dis doggy den -- they all sealed.

 **MAGGIE  
** But w-why is they sealed?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but a supernatural lockdown, aiiight, biatch? Whatever took Corbett don't want our asses ta leave, n' itz no dirtnap echo. This be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass mother, n' it wants our asses trippin like a muthafucka.

 **MAGGIE  
** Or it just wants us.

Sound of tha EMF detector goin off. Mo' camera interference as we peep HARRY sidle up ta MAGGIE as they secretly hold hands.

 **SPRUCE  
** Uh, muthafuckas, tha cameraz fritzin again.

 **ED  
** Whoa. Whoa. Guys, tha EMFz startin ta spike. This be a funky-ass big-ass one!

 **SAM  
** All Y'all, stay close. Therez suttin' coming.

Another apparizzle appears.

 **ALL  
** Woah!!!

 **DEAN  
** Is dis tha same ol' dirty echo you muthafuckas saw earlier?

 **HARRY  
** Fuck dat shit, itz a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Multiple echoes, biatch? What tha hellz goin on?

 **SAM  
** Beats mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Okay fo' realz. All right fo' realz. All right fo' realz. All right.

DEAN starts ta yell all up in tha apparition.

 **DEAN  
** Uh, hey, dawg dawwwwg! Hey yo. Hey. Wake up. Yo ass is dead hommie! Hello!

 **HARRY  
** Whatz da ruffneck bustin, biatch? Whatz da ruffneck bustin?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but rare yo, but sometimes you can shock a echo outta its loop if you can rap ta tha part of tha pimp thatz still human yo, but probably you gotta have some kind of connection ta tha deceased.

 **DEAN  
** Come on! Wake up! Be dead!

Camera interference; tha apparizzle flickers n' turns around.

 **HARRY  
** Yo ass muthafuckas hear that, biatch?

 **ED  
** Whatz dat sound?

 **HARRY  
** Yo ass muthafuckas hear that?

 **DEAN  
** Snap outta it, dawg, huh, biatch? Come on, what tha fuck is you waitin for, biatch? Yo ass is gonzo! Yo ass is dead hommie!

Bright light shines on tha apparizzle n' tha sound of a cold-ass lil hoopty horn approaching. Da apparizzle flies backwards, as if hit by a invisible vehicle.

 **HARRY  
** Where tha hell done did it go?

Footage of exterior of Morton House.

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

Da crew follow SAM n' DEAN down tha hallway.

 **DEAN  
** Dude, there be a no recordz of any of dis here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. No one gots popped here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Obviously, no one gots run over by a gangbangin' freakin train.

 **SAM  
** Stay close.

 **MAGGIE  
** Did tha echoes take Corbett?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all. No. I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Us dudes don't give a fuck whatz bustin what tha fuck here; thatz what tha fuck we tryin ta figure out, aiiight?

 **SAM  
** All right, stay close. Okay, look, um, dirtnap echoes is pimps, aiiight, biatch? Now, pimps -- they probably haunt places where they lived or where they died.

 **DEAN  
** Except these mooks didn't live or take a thugged-out dirtnap here.

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **MAGGIE  
** So, what tha fuck is they bustin here?

 **DEAN  
** Yo, give tha lady a cold-ass lil cigar fo' realz. All right, seriously, do lookin at dis nightmare all up in dat camera make you feel betta or something, biatch? I mean...

 **MAGGIE  
** Um...I, uh... Well, yeah. Uh, yeah. I be thinkin so.

 **DEAN  
** Oh.

Group continues ta strutt all up in house. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shot of inhyped DEER HEAD on wall. They enta a room full of stuffed animal headz on tha walls, as well as file cabinets.

 **SAM (holdin up fucked up framed certificate)  
** Freeman Daggett, housez last baller, officially commended fo' 20 muthafuckin yearz of fine steez all up in tha Gamble General Hospitizzle.

 **DEAN  
** Dude was a thugged-out doctor?

 **SAM  
** Janitor.

 **DEAN  
** This be lookin like his fuckin lil' den. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When'd you say da ruffneck took a dirt nap -- '64?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, ass attack.

 **MAGGIE  
** What is these, c-rations?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, army-issued, three squares -- like a gametime supply.

 **MAGGIE  
** God, is dat all he ate?

 **DEAN  
** One-stop hustlin.

 **DEAN  
** Yo muthafucka, locked.

 **ED  
** Oh, come on, muthafuckas. This is ridiculous. I mean, how tha fuck tha hell is dis supposed ta find Corbett, huh, biatch? We should be diggin up tha friggin' floorboardz n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

 **SAM (holdin up a thugged-out dusty pamphlet)  
** Huh. "Survival Under Atomic Attack." An optimist.

Loud BANG as DEAN pries tha safe open.

 **DEAN  
** (Leafin all up in file box) Crap. Crap. Taxidermy. Okay. Yo ass holla'd Daggett was a hospitizzle janitor?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Ewww. Got three toe tags here -- one, dirtnap by gunshots, train accident, n' suicide.

 **SAM  
** Ewwwwww!

 **HARRY  
** What?

 **SAM  
** Well, dat explains why all tha dirtnap echoes is here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. They're here cuz they bodies is here...somewhere up in tha house?

 **DEAN  
** Daggett brought tha remains home from tha morgue. To *play*.

 **HARRY n' ED  
** Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!! Ugh!!!!!

 **SPRUCE  
** Thatz nasty, dude.

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **DEAN  
** Wait a minute.

 **MAGGIE  
** Corbett.

MAGGIE startlez her muthafuckin ass by comin across her own reflection up in a mirror.

 **MAGGIE  
** Okay, Maggie.

Camera interference. Maggie swings tha camera around, frightened, ta reveal DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Closer ta tha herd, aiiight?

 **HARRY  
** Maggie, biatch? Maggie?

 **DEAN  
** Dat hoe fine.

 **ED  
** Harry yo. Harry, I gots a 8.6 n' climbin fast. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang big-ass is coming. Look. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang big-ass is coming.

Camera interference.

 **HARRY  
** It aint nuthin but past 11, you muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? No Muthafucka move biaaatch! Hold on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Hold on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay on tha fuckin' down-low.

Mo' camera interference, then suddenly SAM, standin next ta DEAN, disappears tha fuck into thin air.

 **ED  
** It aint nuthin but straight-up cold up in dis biatch.

 **MAGGIE  
** Harry?

 **DEAN  
** Sam?

 **ED  
** Some kind of surge.

 **DEAN  
** Sam???

 **SPRUCE  
** Where'd he go?

 **MAGGIE  
** Oh, no.

DEAN findz SAMz dropped flashlight n' picks it up.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!!!!!!!!!!


	4. ACT THREE

**DEAN  
** Sammy!!!!!!!!!

 **ED  
** Corbett son! Sam!

 **HARRY  
** Corbett son! Talk ta us!

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

 **HARRY  
** Corbett son! Corbett!

 **DEAN  
** Sam!!!

Camera swings round ta centa on MAGGIE n' HARRY.

 **MAGGIE  
** God, I be so trippin like a muthafucka. I be soopa-doopa trippin like a muthafucka.

 **HARRY  
** It aint nuthin but gonna be aiiight. It aint nuthin but gonna be aiiight, Maggie.

MAGGIE n' HARRY start ta kiss.

Cut ta ED up in a hallway.

 **ED  
** Corbett!

Cut ta MAGGIE n' HARRY, still makin out.

 **SPRUCE (O.S., behind camera)  
**  Bom-chicka-bow-wow...woah.

ED findz MAGGIE n' HARRY.

 **ED  
** My fuckin dopest playa.. fo' realz. And mah dopest sister.

 **HARRY  
** Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **ED  
** Harry.

 **HARRY  
** Ed.

 **ED  
** Harry.

 **HARRY  
** Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! listen, Ed.

 **ED  
** Is you bangin mah sister?

 **HARRY  
** No! No!

 **ED (to SPRUCE)  
** Hold mah glasses.

 **SPRUCE  
** Yo ass gots dat shit.

 **HARRY  
** Ed.

ED attacks HARRY.

 **HARRY  
** Ed hommie! Ed hommie! Ed hommie! Ed hommie! Ed!

 **SPRUCE  
** Guys!

 **MAGGIE  
** Git off Harry!

DEAN shows up n' breaks up tha fight

 **DEAN  
** What tha [Bleep] is you bustin?! Cut it up son! Us dudes down by two people. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam! Sammy!

 **MAGGIE  
** Great.

 **HARRY  
** Sorry.

 **ED  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. Give me mah glasses. Did he knock mah -- mah tooth there?

 **SPRUCE  
** Uh, no.

 **ED  
** I won that, right?

 **SPRUCE  
** Yep. Yo ass is good.

 **HARRY  
** Thanks, Spruce.

 **SPRUCE  
** Yeah, itz mah fault.

 **MAGGIE  
** Thatz real pimped out. Thatz sick. Thanks.

INT. ROOM IN MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

"It aint nuthin but My fuckin Party" playin up in tha background. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Through a night-vision camera, we peep a table wit a cold-ass lil cake n' confetti.

 **SAM (O.S., behind camera)  
** Corbett. Corbett yo. Hey. Corbett, hey.

 **CORBETT  
** Sam?

 **SAM  
** Corbett, hey, you gots ta keep listenin ta mah voice, aiiight, biatch? I be right here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay awake.

 **DAGGETT (O.S.)  
** Don't listen.

DAGGETT picks up a knife.

 **DAGGETT  
** It stops hurting, so quit freakin' tha fuck out.

 **SAM  
** Corbett, stay wit mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay wit me, you gots it, biatch? I be right here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Hey. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay wit mah dirty ass. Don't. Don't.

DAGGETT stabs CORBETT all up in tha throat.

 **SAM  
** No. Corbett son! No! Corbett son!

INT yo. HALLWAY MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **HARRY  
** Corbett son! Where'd you muthafuckas go?

 **MAGGIE  
** Where is you muthafuckas?

 **HARRY  
** Dean, what tha fuck is you bustin?

 **DEAN  
** Okay, so Daggett was a cold-ass lil cold war nut, aiiight, biatch? Dude was -- da thug was a amateur taxidermist yo. Dude was horny bout ta slow grind wit cadavers, n' all he ate was c-rations, so what tha fuck tha hell is our slick asses lookin for?!

 **MAGGIE  
** Horrible lil game.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, a lonely game...A cold war game yo. Dude was trippin like a muthafucka yo. Dude was trippin like a muthafucka...he was trippin like a muthafucka.

 **HARRY  
** Scared of what, biatch? What, biatch? Dean, where is you going?

 **MAGGIE  
** Wait, don't leave me up in here, you muthafuckas.

INT. ROOM IN MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **SAM  
** Git away from mah dirty ass.

 **DAGGETT  
** This won't hurt. It aint nuthin but all gravy. It aint nuthin but all gravy. Relax. Relax.

DAGGETT straps a jam basebizzle cap onto SAM, whoz tied ta a cold-ass lil chair, while CORBETT slumps dead all up in tha other end of tha table.

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAIRWAY MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **MAGGIE  
** Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is you going?

 **DEAN  
** Guys like Daggett back then, tha ones whoz ass was straight-up scared of tha Russkies -- they built bomb shelters. I be guessin he gots one. I be bout ta bet you itz up in tha basement.

Door slams behind DEAN, cuttin his ass n' SPRUCE off from HARRY, ED, n' MAGGIE.

 **HARRY  
** Woah!

 **ED  
** Woah! That aint funky!

 **SPRUCE  
** Um, whoz ass closed tha door?

 **DEAN  
** It done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it wants ta separate us.

 **DEAN (talkin ta tha door)  
** Ed hommie! dig me biaaatch!

 **ED  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Therez some salt up in mah duffle. Make a cold-ass lil circle n' git inside.

 **ED  
** Inside?

 **HARRY  
** Thatz fuckin wack.

 **ED  
** Inside yo' duffle bag?

 **DEAN  
** In tha salt, you idiots!

 **ED  
** Oh, aiiight. Yeah. Yeah.

DEAN continues down tha basement stairs.

 **ED  
** Harry, hurry up. Git up in tha circle. Git up in tha circle. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Quick, quick.

 **HARRY  
** Guys, muthafuckas, I don't wanna die, aiiight, n' I don't want you ta take a thugged-out dirt nap.

 **ED  
** Harry, listen -- dig me, aiiight, biatch? listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If our phat asses don't take a thugged-out dirt nap... ...itz straight-up aiiight if you, uh, do mah sister.

MAGGIE pushes ED.

 **ED  
** Ow!

 **MAGGIE  
** Nice.

Camera interference.

 **MAGGIE  
** Yo muthafuckas, hey muthafuckas, itz comin again.

 **ED  
** Oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Oh, OK. Guys. Git up in close.

 **HARRY  
** Oh, god.

 **ED  
** Oh god, oh god.

Lights continue ta flicker, n' tha crew sees CORBETT standin up in front of them, bloody, unable ta speak.

 **ED  
** Oh. Oh, c-Corbett.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **SPRUCE (O.S., behind camera)  
** Yo, can I ask you something?

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SPRUCE  
** Earlier, you n' Sam -- da perved-out muthafucka holla'd you had two months left?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, itz fucked up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. A while ago, Sam... No. No. No. I aint gonna whine bout mah [Bleep] problems ta some [Bleep] realitizzle show. I'ma do mah [Bleep] thang.

 **SPRUCE  
** Is it cancer?

 **DEAN  
** Shut up. Yo ass hear that?

INT. ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

 **DAGGETT  
** I've been waitin fo' some mo' playas. I git lonely. But you comin ta mah party, aren't yo slick ass?

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **SPRUCE  
** Is dat music?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, itz comin from behind dis wall.

DEAN singlehandedly pushes a cold-ass lil cabinet away from tha wall.

 **SPRUCE  
** Fuck dat shit, you strong.

DEAN flips a pixellated middle finger ta tha camera.

INT. ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

 **DAGGETT  
** You'll stay a good, long time.

DEAN breaks tha door open ta tha bomb shelter.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!!

DEAN blasts DAGGETT, then untizzles SAM.

 **SPRUCE  
** Oh god.

Through SPRUCEz camera, we now peep tha whole birthdizzle table, wit tha jam guestz of oldschool corpses n' one freshly smoked up corpse: CORBETT.

 **SPRUCE  
** Oh, no, Corbett.

GHOSTFACERS


	5. ACT FOUR

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

ED, HARRY, n' MAGGIE is still up in tha salt ring.

 **ED  
** Oh god, what tha fuck have our phat asses done, biatch? Oh god.

 **HARRY  
** Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Ed.

 **ED  
** Yeah?

 **HARRY  
** Corbettz a -- he a thugged-out dirtnap echo. Dat punk relivin his own murder.

 **MAGGIE  
** Over n' over alllll muthafuckin day.

INT. MORTON HOUSE, BASEMENT - NIGHT.

 **SPRUCE  
** Whatz dis Daggett muthafuckaz problem anyway?

 **SAM  
** Loneliness.

 **DEAN  
** What, he never heard of a Realdoll?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, Daggett was tha Norman Bates, stuff-your-mutha kind of lonely. I mean, thatz why he lifted these bodies from tha morgue, threw his dirty ass a funky-ass birthdizzle party, except they was tha only ones whoz ass would come fo' realz. Anyway, so, at midnight, da perved-out muthafucka sealed dem up in tha bomb shelta n' went upstairs n' o.d.'d on cow tranqs.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck do you know this?

 **SAM  
** 'Cause tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Oh. yeah. Okay, so now dat da ruffneck dead, what, biatch? Same song, different verse, tryin ta git playas ta come ta his thugged-out lil' party?

 **SAM  
** Pretty much, yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay alllll muthafuckin day.

 **SPRUCE  
** Is dem real bullets?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but rock salt.

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

 **HARRY (rappin softly)  
** Ghostfacers... we git all up in places tha others will not...Ghostfacers...stay up in tha kitchen when tha kitchen gets hot.

Camera interference n' lights flickering.

 **ED  
** Oh, no.

 **MAGGIE  
** Guys, biatch? Corbett...

Da pimp of CORBETT again n' again n' again appears ta tha group.

 **ED  
** Guys, itz -- itz Corbett. Dat punk -- he -- tha pimpin' muthafucka trapped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat punk up in a shitload of pain, you know, biatch? We gots ta try and... we gots ta try n' pull his ass outta his fuckin loop. Our thugged-out asses have to.

ED standz up n' faces CORBETT.

 **HARRY  
** Ed?

 **ED  
** Corbett. Corbett, itz -- Oh, god.

 **HARRY  
** Don't cross tha line of salt.

ED hesitates, then steps over tha salt line, confrontin tha pimp of CORBETT.

 **ED  
** I gotta do it, Harry. Corbett, dig mah dirty ass. Okay, I aint gonna hurt you, biatch. Listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Corbett. Oh.

 **HARRY  
** Git back!

CORBETTz pimp starts flickering; ED quickly retreats.

 **ED  
** oh, god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Whoa. Oh, I can't, aiiight, biatch? Dat punk not hearin me, aiiight, biatch? Dude won't stop dying.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

DEAN be attemptin ta break down tha basement door thatz still separatin DEAN, SAM, n' SPRUCE from tha others.

 **SAM  
** Seriously -- you still blasting?

 **DEAN  
** It make his ass feel mo' betta n' shit. Don't ask.

Camera interference n' flickering.

 **SPRUCE  
** Ah, hell, muthafuckas. Git up in yo' pimp-role thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethingz coming.

Camera swings around, revealin tha pimp of DAGGETT, whoz ass knocks SPRUCE n' his camera ta tha ground.

 **SPRUCE  
** Oh, mah -- OH!!!!!

DAGGETT approaches SPRUCE yo, but is blasted n' dissipated by SAM.

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

 **HARRY  
** I...I know how tha fuck we can git all up in ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **ED  
** How?

 **HARRY  
** Ed.. yo. Dude had vibe fo' you, biatch.

 **ED  
** Huh?

 **HARRY  
** Dude wanted you, biatch.

 **ED  
** Wa-- wanted mah crazy ass ta what?

 **HARRY  
** Yo ass know. (HARRY demonstrates wit a slight grunt n' pelvic thrust) fo' realz. And you know what tha fuck you've gots ta do. Yo ass can do it, Ed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! You've always been tha brave one. Yes, you can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass make our asses brave -- Maggie, right?

 **MAGGIE  
** Yeah. Yeah you do. Yo ass straight-up do.

 **HARRY  
** Ed...Yo ass gots ta go be gay fo' dat skanky, dead intern, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass gots ta bust his ass tha fuck into tha light.

ED approaches tha pimp of CORBETT again

 **ED  
** Corbett.

 **HARRY  
** Maggie, no. no.

 **MAGGIE  
** It aint nuthin but all gravy.

 **ED  
** Corbett, look. Yo, itz just Ed, dawg. It aint nuthin but just mah dirty ass. Yo, hey, Corbett, dig mah dirty ass. Listen ta mah dirty ass. I -- we... Okay. Yo ass meant... Corbett, you meant a shitload ta tha crew. Yo ass meant... Yo ass meant a shitload ta mah dirty ass. Yo ass know, never back down...Never say a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass word, aiiight, biatch? I remember that, Corbett. I-I remember dis shit. I remember cuz I gots a straight-up boner fo' you, Corbett. I straight-up, truly ludd you, biatch. Do you remember that, biatch? do yo slick ass?

 **CORBETT  
** Hey. Ed?

 **ED  
** Yeah. Yeah, Corbett, it's... Corbett, yeah, itz mah dirty ass. It aint nuthin but mah dirty ass. look all up in mah face. Yo ass gots ta help us, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. you gotta help us, Corbett. Please.. Biiiatch please.Please help our asses n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

 **SAM  
** Take it easy as fuck . you all right?

Camera interference n' flickering. Da pimp of DAGGETT appears behind DEAN.

 **SPRUCE  
** Uh, muthafuckas...

DAGGETT throws DEAN, then SAM against tha wall, then be bout ta battle SPRUCE.

 **SPRUCE  
** This is shitty -- straight-up bad.

Camera interference n' lights flicker again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. CORBETT appears behind DAGGETT.

 **SPRUCE  
** Corbett?

CORBETTz pimp attacks DAGGETT n' they both disappear up in a funky-ass blindin flash of light.

 **SPRUCE  
** Y'all right, dude?

SAM n' DEAN pick theyselves up off tha floor.

 **SPRUCE  
** Y'all right?

 **SAM  
** God.

DEAN looks back all up in tha camera, coverin tha lens wit his hand.

GHOSTFACERS.

 

EPILOGUE

EXT. MORTON HOUSE - DAY

Da door ta tha Morton Doggy Den opens, n' ED, SAM, DEAN, HARRY n' MAGGIE exit yo. HARRY n' MAGGIE pause ta hug, while SAM gives ED his beeper number on a scrap of paper.

 **ED (V.O.)  
** Leap year, February 29th, tha Morton Doggy Den fo' realz. A tragic day. It make me wanna hollar playa! A dizzle of souls bound up in torment, of lives held up in wack balance. But tha Ghostfacers, they did tha dopest dat they could.

 **HARRY  
** We lost a funky-ass beloved playa yo, but we gained freshly smoked up allies.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

 **ED  
** We know dis much: dat every last muthafuckin day, includin todizzle, be a freshly smoked up beginning. We hustled mo' than we can say up in tha brutal feat of tha Morton House.

 **HARRY  
** Da Ghostfacers was forced ta grill suttin' far mo' freaky than pimps. They was forced ta grill theyselves.

 **ED  
** Battle chizzlez Man.

 **HARRY  
** And Maggie.

 **ED  
** Battle chizzlez man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And one biatch... Yo ass know Corbett, our laid-back asses just... ah gosh, our laid-back asses just like ta be thinkin dat you up there, watchin over us.

 **HARRY  
** As far as we concerned, you not a intern no mo'. Yo ass have mo' than gots full Ghostfacer status. Plus, it would be def ta git a pimp on tha crew.

 **ED  
** Yeah yo. Heh heh fo' realz. And here we was thankin that, you know, we was teachin you n' all dis time you was teachin us, bout ass, bout dedication, n' bout how tha fuck gay ludd can pierce all up in tha veil of dirtnap n' save tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa! Nuff props, Alan J. Corbett.

 **HARRY  
** Go well tha fuck into dat starry night, lil' Turk. Go well.

EXT. OUTSIDE BACK OF VAN - DAY

 **CORBETT  
** Come on, Spruce, I gotta git all dis shiznit packed up!

 **SPRUCE  
** So, pack n' talk!

 **CORBETT  
** I don't give a fuck what tha fuck ta say.

 **SPRUCE  
** Say what tha fuck comes ta mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This is one of our confessionizzle moments, Corbett, so confess. What did you be thinkin was goin ta happen tonight, biatch? What do you be thinkin is goin ta happen on dis trip?

 **CORBETT  
** I be thinkin tonight, I straight-up do, I be thinkin all of our trips is goin ta come true. Do dat sound stupid?

 **SPRUCE  
** Kind of do, yeah.

In Memory of Alan J. Corbett, 1985-2008 Mack of tha Impossible

Camera pulls back from above lyrics ta reveal a cold-ass lil computa monitor bein peeped by SAM n' DEAN, along wit tha remainin Ghostfacers. We now know dat every last muthafuckin thang our crazy asses have peeped up until now was tha show put together by tha Ghostfacers n' they footage, n' they have all been watchin tha playback fo' realz. Also, now tha "real" Supernatural openin credits is run.

INT. GHOSTFACER HEADQUARTERS - DAY

 **ED  
** So, muthafuckas, what tha fuck do you think, biatch? Is you aiiiight?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, I kind of be thinkin dat shiznit was half-awesome.

 **MAGGIE  
** Half-awesome, biatch? That - thatz full-on good, right?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, um, I mean itz bizarre how tha fuck you all is able ta honor Corbettz memory while grossly exploitin tha manner of his fuckin lil' dirtnap. Well done.

DEAN secretly slips suttin' tha fuck into a funky-ass backpack under tha table.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. It aint nuthin but a real tight rope you muthafuckas is struttin there.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, all right muthafuckas.

 **ED  
** Nah, thatz reality, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yeah, Corbett gave his wild lil' freakadelic game searchin fo' tha real deal, n' itz our thang over here ta share it wit tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Right. Well, um, our experience, you know what tha fuck you git when you show tha ghetto tha real deal?

 **DEAN  
** A straightjacket. Or a punch up in tha face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sometimes both.

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **HARRY  
** Oh come on, muthafuckas, don't be 'facer hatas just cuz our crazy asses happen ta have gotten tha footage of tha century.

 **ED  
** Oh yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass gots our asses there.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well we'll peep you muthafuckas around.

 **SPRUCE  
** Peace out.

SAM n' DEAN leave; ED shuts tha door behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **HARRY  
** Dicks.

 **ED  
** Oh yeah.

 **MAGGIE  
** Totally.

 **SPRUCE  
** Letz start layin off some DVDs.

 **ED  
** Soundz like a phat idea, Spruce.

 **HARRY  
** Yo ass know muthafuckas, I be thinkin we gonna need a funky-ass bigger crib here, you know, biatch? Because we goin ta go national, n' then itz goin ta go international, n' then-

ED findz tha backpack DEAN left under tha table.

 **ED  
** Yo, Menudo left they dizzle bag behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Whatz inside, huh?

ED opens tha backpack n' removes a straight-up big-ass magnet strapped ta a straight-up big-ass battery. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, tha computa vizzle playback starts ta break up.

 **HARRY  
** Woah. What tha hell is this?

 **SPRUCE  
** Uh...seems ta be havin some technical hang-up over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **HARRY  
** Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

 **ED  
** Fuck dat shit, no!

 **HARRY  
** Wait, wait!!! No operatin system found?!?!?! Wait a minute!!

EXT. OUTSIDE THE IMPALA - DAY

 **SAM  
** We clean?

 **ED (O.S., up in tha distance)  
** Nooooooo!!!!!!! Is you kiddin me son?!?!?!?!

 **DEAN  
** Electromagnet wiped up every last muthafuckin tape n' hard drive dat they have.

 **SAM  
** Da ghetto just aint locked n loaded fo' tha Ghostfacers.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but too bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I kinda was horny bout tha show.

 **SAM  
** It had its moments, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

They start tha IMPALA n' drive off, ta tha sound of tha Ghostfacers theme song:  
Ghost, Ghostfacers. We grill tha pimps when tha others will not. We Ghost, Ghostfacers. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stay up in tha kitchen when tha kitchen gets hot. Ghost. Ghostfacers. We grill tha nightmare, we grill tha dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Ghost, Ghostfacers.

 **ED (V.O.)  
** That is scrilla up in tha bank!


End file.
